BEZUBA, PART 31

~BEZUBA~

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~PART 31~

 

Haan tere saaya toh mai hu, par mai tujhe na paa saku

Haan iss safar me toh mai hu, par sang tere na reh saku

Mai hu shab tu subah, dono jud ke juda

Mai hu lab tu dua, dono jud ke juda

 

-Madno (Lamhe)

 

 

 

He sank on his knees and started to laugh hysterically and that really scared her. Seeing him like that, the worry that had disappeared behind the momentary anger resurfaced. Settling before him she cupped his cheek. *Mujhe maaf kar dijiye, maine gusse me-* He thrust her away and she fell on her hips, back hitting the bed although her mind didn’t register the sting because right now everything in her was focused on just him.

 

Tears trickled down her cheeks and so did his.

 

Don’t touch me. Mujhse dur raho. Mai iss layak nahi ke tum mere paas aao. His red eyes were hauntingly determined. You think I am lying. Lying… He laughed this time sadly. I wish. Par aisa hai nai, Geet. Wo mai tha. Maine hi tumhari izzat luti thi. Yeh ghinauna jhuth nai sach hai. I was that bloody bastard. Tumhara laal dubbatta maine feka tha. Tumhe mai ghaseet ke le gaya tha. Maine tumhara muh band kia, maine- maine hi wo sab kia. Mai tumhe sab bataoga, tumhe yakeen dilaoga ke wo mai tha… wo mai tha.

 

 

 

I did it. I did it for revenge. I thought I was doing it for my sister, my twin. My Maanvi. She was everything to me, a part of my soul; we’d always been together since our very first breaths. We were inseparable and each other’s support. We had a strange connection because we always knew when something was wrong with the other one.

 

I was studying in a college in Bangalore when one day I came to know that she was getting married. It was to be done once her college got over. I was heartbroken because she was going to leave me forever. But she was happy and I was happy for her. One of these days she had gone for some camping trip with her friends. I had this sick feeling brewing up inside of me but I couldn’t get through to her. Maa told me to not worry as they had gone to some small town and there might be network problem. When I was able to get through to her she sounded so weird, not like my sister and it scared the hell out of me. But she wouldn’t tell me anything regardless of how many times I probed. After few nights she called me and couldn’t stop crying. Fifth of march, can never forget the date. She told me everything that night.

 

They were camping on the outskirts of Hosiyaarpur because her friend knew the area well and had a farm house there. A guy, Brij, had misbehaved with her at a local fair. She had slapped him in front of everyone. She told me that she didn’t know he was that dangerous. He kidnapped and raped her the same night and let her go in the morning. She didn’t tell anything to anyone because she was scared and she didn’t want Dad to know. Although, the same day she called me she came to know that she was pregnant.

 

Gosh I had never heard her so forlorn. I told her I will make it alright, that I will take a flight immediately, come back n take care of everything. Yet she wouldn’t stop crying and kept telling me how Dad was going to be ashamed n depressed, he had already taken loan for our studies because his business wasn’t doing that well and with this… he won’t be able to take the humiliation. How Brij’s family was really powerful because his Dad was sarpanch n we won’t be able to get to him and how her marriage that was going to be held the next year won’t happen anymore. How the scars she had on her body and soul will never be erased. She didn’t want to be a mother neither she wanted to kill. I tried to assure her like she had done to me when I had gotten into bad company-in her absence because she was doing her intermediate in another city-and became an alcoholic. She had stopped Dad from throwing me out of the house and supported me in coming out of it. Yet this was much more as compared to my problem n the anger that surfaced within me at that made my head spin. I swore to her that I will make whoever had done that to her pay in worst manner but not a word she was ready to believe. In the end she told that she loved me the most in the world and hung up.

 

I was scared n worried but I had not known that it was really the end. Maan wiped his tears. He had never recalled that memory when his sister had died. He had not seen her dead body; just a gaping hole in his heart was the proof that she was no more there. She had left taking a part of him, his happiness, his peace, his sanity, everything with her. It was just so tough to think of her as dead. But now that he had finally come to it he owed Geet every bit of the truth. By the time I came back the next day, she was dead.

 

I didn’t see her face. I couldn’t. I ran away from there. Took Dad’s car and set off to Hoshiyarpur. I broke the vow to Maanvi of never drinking. When I reached your village, I found out about Brij as much as I could and waited… for 2 days, drinking myself into a state of near stupor and looking out for the right opportunity. And it came finally. I followed you to the farm and attacked when I knew no one was around. I was avenging the one I loved and causing Brij the same pain and shame he had caused me and my sister. Only you were the wrong sister. I didn’t know it then.

 

I came back home and as the haze of alcohol started to fade, remorse started to set in, and realization. Nothing had changed. I was still paining and Maanvi was still dead. Maanvi hadn’t done anything just slapped that bastard for his own doing and what he did to her? He did what I had done to you. And it ate me alive. I had failed my sister in every way n I knew if she was there she would hate me. I was not the person that I had become. I had gone the wrong way once but I wasn’t that bad. I was not a criminal, not someone who could ruin a girl and leave her to suffer forever. I tried to suppress it all inside me for a year. Dad’s health had gone bad since Maanvi’s death and after his death a year later I broke down completely before Dadimaa and told her everything.

 

She was shaken up and agonized more by my admission then she was with Maanvi and Dad’s death, it was just too much for her to take one thing after the other. She had a terrible heart seizure. In the hospital she demanded that I go and take punishment for what I had done.

 

It just gave me hope. Hope that I’ll be saved now. That once I have accepted my deed that girl would be saved. I will be punished and that only will be my salvation. For first time in months I was close to what one could call happiness. However my hopes were crushed when I reached Hoshiyaarpur. I came to know that Sarpanch’s daughter was getting married. I thought that she n her family had moved pass the horrible thing I had done and perhaps nobody else knew about it except for her family. If I did go to her or the police it would be bringing her back into the horrendous past. Ironically even Brij had been punished. He had been killed in a car accident just two weeks following the death of Maanvi. I didn’t know if to be happy or cry at my luck. I came back; nothing left of myself… no hope, no escape. No amount of self talk would erase the guilt of my deeds. Maanvi’s last words would repeat in my ears again n again reminding me of how I couldn’t protect my sister n failed her in every way even after her death. I woke up at nights having all kinds of nightmares, of Maanvi crying n leaving me, of hurting an unknown face. Loud whimpers and screams haunted me through days n months.

 

Maanvi always had this dream that I take up Dad’s business to great heights and make our father proud. I had nothing left apart from this little craziness to at least fulfill my sister’s this one wish. It wouldn’t make me anything just give me something to occupy my mind which was full of gory sins, regrets and cutting emptiness. So I made it my life’s goal.

 

He closed his eyes, trying to breathe n speak through his parched throat. His words were hoarse n low yet he needed to complete what he had started.

 

When I stepped into Hoshiyaarpur again unwillingly because of that power plant I hadn’t expected to meet you. I didn’t recognize you when I saw you in front of my car, but weirdly it felt that I knew you. And, I was attracted at the very first sight which was strange because I couldn’t look at a girl with any kind of physical interest. All I felt was disgust with myself. When I saved you from your Taayiji, I recognized him and dread filled me. After taking you to the haveli and being told that you couldn’t speak because of something that had happened four years ago, I enquired the caretaker about it all. That was when I came to know the girl I raped wasn’t Raaji, it was you. Funny thing I somehow knew it all along since I saw your face in rain illuminated by the headlights even though I had not seen your face while corrupting you.

 

When everyone was coming to take you I had to save you anyhow, take you away from that hell where you were tortured because of me. So I married you without any glance at the future. And I fell for you. It happened too fast just when you brother and others had swords out, pointed at my neck. You came out without a care for yourself, despite my instructions and wouldn’t go back in until the swords were down n I was out of danger. That act left me aching and… I couldn’t stop myself. It was fate’s payback. I now know why I had to feel for you. I had to burn in hell knowing that I had wronged the girl I loved.

 

What happened in the bathroom that first morning in KM shook me hard. I thought and thought, realizing I was cheating you, misleading you. I was appalled with myself and my feelings and desires for you. Still, I had to keep you close to make sure that you were alright, to save you from any other harm. I decided that I would keep everything to myself until you got totally independent no matter how hard it was for me. Hiding truth wasn’t as hard as staying away from you was. I tried every tactic, from scaring you to making you cry. I distanced myself, stayed out still in end found you deeper in me to an extent that I started to fear you leaving me and never wanted the day to arrive when I had to tell you the truth and see you hate me. But believe me Geet that nowhere meant that I didn’t know that day wouldn’t come. It is here now.

 

He finally looked up and the sight of her made him wince. She sat completely still, her eyes wide and glossy, all color washed from her face- she appeared stoned. If it’s of any solace, I have died every second. I regret being alive. I won’t say sorry or ask for forgiveness because my crime is unforgivable. I just didn’t rape you, I took away your voice… impaired you perhaps for entire life. Whatever punishment you have for me I’ll take. I am ready to give up my life if you want me. His head hung low while he waited for her to shout at him, to slap him, beat him…. hate him. But nothing came. He glanced up again n she wasn’t there. Worriedly he stood on shaky legs, quickly wore his discarded clothes and came out to search for her. She wasn’t in the corridor. He took the elevator to go down. Did a girl just go from here? He asked at the reception of the hotel.

 

Yes, sir. She didn’t look fine and went out just moments ago.

 

Geet hadn’t gone far. She was wearing just the robe. He called her name to no response n she kept slipping away further. Maan knew he was having a nightmare only this one was as real as it could get and his eyes were open. He ran to her n held her hand pulling her back. Where are you going? You don’t know anything here. Hum kal ghar jayenge subah hi… wahan- wahan you can leave. To his astonishment she didn’t protest even a bit as he pulled her back with him towards the hotel.

 

Inside their suite she silently walked into her room and shut the door.

 

They reached KM the next afternoon. Dadimaa was surprised to see Geet all of a sudden in her room with bag. Aap toh kal aane wali thi na?Dadimaa asked teasingly.

 

*Thodi deer ho gai, par ab koi deeri nai hogi.* Geet said. Dadimaa noticed her flat voice and blank eyes. Kya hua beta? Maan ne aapko kuch kaha? Aap bags leke sidhe yaha kyu aa gai pehle thoda araam karke unpack kar leti. Aap bahut thaki hui lag rai hai.

 

*Mai jaa rai hu Dadimaa yeh ghar chodke.* Dadimaa instantly knew the reason behind Geet’s words but she had to make sure. Aap yeh kya keh rai hai?

 

*Wahi jo aapko samjh aa raha hai. Aapne mere saath aisa kyu kia Dadimaa?* She signed, needing to know. *Maine jin logo pe sabse zayada bharosa kia unn logo ne mere saath itna bada dhoka kia. Aapki aatma ne kabhi aapko nai kaha k mujhe sach bataye. Aap mujhe beti kehti thi na phir bhi aapne mere bare ek baar bhi nai socha, ek baar bhi nai socha ke yeh ladki jo ek jhuti duniya me reh rai hai usse sach bata de. At least I deserved that, didn’t I?*

 

Bata k kya hasil hota beta? Aap jab iss ghar aai thi toh nayi dulhan ki tarah na jaane kitne sapne leke aayi thi. Hum agar aapko sach bata dete toh kuch badalta nai bas aapka dil tootta. Aur hum jaante the ke Maan aapko chot nai pahuchayenge. What he did years ago was a mistake n I have seen him killing himself for it. And I also saw his feelings develop for you. Jo ho chuka hai wo beeta hua kal hai hum uske wajah se aapke aaj ko barbad nahi karna chahte the. Humne socha-

 

*Kya socha aapne? Let Geet live a life of lie, let her dream. That I would live happily with my own rapist who didn’t even had the guts to tell me the truth. Mera dil tootta? Aur aaj kya hua Dadimaa? Aaj kya hua? Sach saamne aa gaye aur aapko kabhi pata nai chalega kitna dard hua mujhe jab- Maine unhe aapna sab kuch mana. Chee, mujhe sochke bhi sharm aati hai. Maan was never that man that I always thought him to be. All this time he kept me with him to satisfy his guilt. And you supported him. You cheated me.*

 

Nai aisa nai hai. Dadimaa said crying but Geet’s own ache was so colossal she couldn’t see anything else. Inside her something had broken. She had always held on to that little strength, a voice that told her to always be happy. No matter how hard the times may be she had lived through them. Not today… Today all her past agony seemed so small. Like the real definition of pain she had just came to know… pain n betrayal. Nothing in world could make it go, ever. How she will live with it she had no idea.

 

Her chin quivered and voice shook. *Aisa hi hai, Dadimaa. Isilie mai jaa rai hu. Mera iss duniya me waise bhi koi nai hai aur jisse apna mana usne tod dia mujhe. I am indebted to your grandson. Aaj tak mujhe Maan ne jo dia maine khushi k sath lia yeh sochke k usme kahi na kahi mere pati ka pyar chupa hai. But he was just paying me, buying me and I can’t take it anymore. Wo admi kabhi mera pati ho hi nai sakta aur mai ek-ek paisa chukka dungi.*

 

Geet, please aap humari baat suniye-

 

Whatever was there to listen she had already heard. Ready to leave she’d almost had the bag in her hand when the strangled cry of Dadimaa made her stop. Everything forgotten she ran towards her. Geet aap… Dadimaa clutched her heart, sweat breaking out on her forehead. Maan ko ek mauka… please… Leaving Dadimaa just for few seconds she brought the servants n Divya and messaged Maan that they were going to the hospital.

 

 

PRECAP- 

What will Geet do?

A/N:

This part was tough, and I hope I didn’t mess it up. I did editing till the very last moment arranging things. Phew. Am not very sure about it, still am happy that I am done with this. Yay!! If there is something that you thought was plain lunacy, let me know. Only few parts are left of Bezuba, I’ll try to update at a better speed.

Just a like n comment to make me happy

Waiting eagerly