BEZUBA, PART 32

~BEZUBA~

~PART 32~

I did another blunder when I wrote ‘Geet said’ in the end of previous update. No she didn’t speak. It was a typo, don’t get confused.

Geet looked up to see Maan who has just arrived and at the same time doctor came out of ICU.

Dadimaa kaisi hai, doctor? Maan asked impatiently and she stood up her own heart raging erratically.

Doctor- Her condition is critical Mr. Khurana. I told you to keep stress away from her. We are doing what we can, rest is up to god. A tear dropped down Geet’s eye and Maan fisted his hand to restrain himself from wiping it away. Mrs. Khurana, she is insisting on seeing you. You can go inside, just don’t make her talk much.

Geet nodded n walked into the room to the sound of beeping machines attached to Dadimaa and a sight that elicited a silent cry from her mouth. She rushed to the bed and held Dadimaa’s hand which was cold and limp. IV’s were inserted in her both hands and Dadimaa appeared so pale. She was the reason for Dadimaa’s this condition. Geet had thought to leave without meeting Dadimaa for she had gotten too close to her. Over the years they had been each other’s light, companions in lonliness and whatnot. Geet had found a friend in Dadimaa and she was the only person in family who openly accepted her with all love and care, without any conditions or complications. If not for Dadimaa, with whom she would have shared her secrets and problems and every single thing… all her feelings and expectations? And that was the reason she couldn’t leave without an explanation.

She wanted to know why Dadimaa had backed Maan up when she didn’t even talked to him. She should have been on her side in this twisted tale but she wasn’t. Guess, own blood was always darker. But Dadimaa said that she did it for her and although Geet didn’t want to accept she knew Dadimaa wasn’t lying. In whole world Dadimaa was that one person who could never hurt her deliberately. They shared more than just a bond that stood on the foundation of her namesake relation with Maan. It was much more than that and now its end had come, Geet thought kissing Dadimaa’s wrinkled hand. If she wasn’t so blinded by her heartache Dadimaa wouldn’t be here.

Geet… She raised her head to Dadimaa’s faint voice. Aap humme chod ke nai jaa sakti. Maan ko ek mauka dijiye. She started to breathe hard. Ek mauka Geet. Maan ke lie nai… aapke lie. Panicky, Geet shouted for the doctor and tried to move back when he came but Dadimaa had firm grip on her hand. Ek mauka… Tears poured out of her eyes as doctor pulled an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth. Geet pursed her lips n nodded. Instantly calm, Dadimaa’s grip on her hand loosened and eyes closed. Geet turned around to see Maan standing in the doorway horrified before the nurse pushed him out and closed the door. When Geet walked out Annie was placating a crying Divya who was never that close to Dadimaa. Before Geet knew Maan was holding her hand n pulling her to a deserted corridor. 

He wouldn’t meet her gaze as he let go of her hand but cornered her against the wall. His business suit was crisp like always but one could tell from his face that he was extremely agitated. After raking a hand through his hair, he again held her wrist. Don’t go. Her heart skipped a beat. I shouldn’t… ask you but Dadimaa isn’t well. If you left now she wouldn’t be- I promise you once she is okay I will arrange for everything.

Arrange. Geet smiled. Her smooth exit from the mansion, his life… after wrecking her completely. He had always been so efficient in everything and she was no different. She jerked her hand back. Maan had never seen her so livid which was a relief. Once he had told her of his sin she had barely showed any emotion, she had been numb n it had scared the hell out of him. He was ready for everything but not this Geet who had curled her emotions into a ball holding it all inside herself and appearing dead. He wanted to shake her, ask her to punish him… but he had left her alone. Left her alone so she could sort everything out in peace and decide how to leave and hate him.

Geet’s abrupt anger morphed into silent cries and she cringed back when he tried to touch her. *Mujhe haath mat lagayiye aap.* She signed, her eyes wide, horror-struck like he was going to contaminate her in some way, and ran from there. Maan wiped the mist from below his eyes.

By the time Geet reached KM she was hardly able to hold back. Just as she closed her room door her body fell down and she cried like she had never before. Tears wouldn’t stop and the temporary miasma of shock had worn out completely. She breathed hard and fast to control the fits that rocked her body but nothing would work.

It was real, so very real.

Geet ran her hands through her messy hairs. Her gaze fell on the laptop he had gifted. Stumbling to it she crashed it against the floor then searched for the phone and banged it against the wall. She opened the drawer and looked for that one watch she had worn every single day. Once in hand she broke it then went for all the gifts he had thrown at her. Everything was his and his, the clothes, the cosmetics, the sheets on the bed, whole room.

Eventually when she was done with her madness, her body pained just like her heart. And, wasn’t pain such a small word? Like love was. Love that she had felt brewing inside herself for him, love that had gotten bigger than her identity. Geet had always believed that if ever she came face to face with her criminal, she would recognize him in first glance but she hadn’t. Here she was weaving dreams for years. She was so dumb. He had always stayed apart and she… gosh, she never figured it out. She couldn’t tell whose fault it was- his hiding or her ignorance. When he had started to tell her everything last night every word had physically penetrated her like a dagger, killing her a little more with each stab. Initially she thought he was lying and later had wanted to believe he was lying. Unfortunately he wasn’t and she had gone numb. Vaguely, she had remembered to wrap the robe around herself before going away from it all. She was very cold, from inside and out. She didn’t care if anyone saw her naked. Because she felt just that, naked, stripped- of everything she had believed in. Her dream had ended opening her eyes to the cruel reality that she had no control over. It seemed like she was watching her life from distance and not actually living it.

Tooti mein kuch iss kadar se,

kuch hosh na raha.

jo dekha tha sapna,

woh bas  kabr ban gaya.

Chaha tha tujhe khuda samajh ke,

jab hosh mein  aayi... toh mein mein na rahi.

Aaj bhikhra pada hai wajood mera kuch iss kadr se…

saans le rahi hoon mein par mujhme rooh na rahi.

-By tabby999

Not a word of his she had thought over, there wasn’t that much strength in her. She was working on autopilot and leaving had seemed the right option. She hadn’t really given a mind to anything as she had dazedly packed her bag with random things and went to question Dadimaa. She hadn’t thought that her leaving would affect her. But she couldn’t stay here at any cost. She would die of suffocation. She hated Maan, loathed him. She had never really hated her rapist, always pitied him. But she hated this man because he had made a mockery of her, lied to her; wrecked her completely to no resurrection. And could she even think of a future now? She wouldn’t be able to love again, live again, dream again. She was lost and she had no one. She was better in her village. At least she knew people there for what they were.

Geet stood up and faintly registered the pain. Removing the stray piece of glass from her foot, she walked into the bathroom and stood under the cold shower. It washed away her tears as they came out but not the pain. Nothing could do that. She remained upright until her legs gave up, not much later she lost herself to unconsciousness.

Maan came home at night not expecting her to be there. If she’d left he wouldn’t be surprised or mind. Divya was staying in the hospital and he had come home to look for Geet. His insane heart said and hoped that she wouldn’t leave Dadimaa in this condition, no matter how selfish it made him he had that trust in her. He knocked on her door and when no answer came tried the handle. It was unlocked. He stepped into the completely destructed room and his heart stopped when his eyes took in the bloody footsteps that lead to bathroom. What had she done to herself? She was under the shower. He turned it off and brought her drenched, pallid body out. Her clothes were soaked and lips were blue. He changed her, buried her under the duvets, rubbed her palms and feet but she wouldn’t warm up. If she didn’t wake up how will he live? He didn’t mean this when he had last night said that she could leave. Geet… he cried holding her face n she squirmed a bit as if in pain. Maan kissed her forehead. He wouldn’t let her go.

Geet found herself for the second time in hospital that day. She looked around to see Maan sitting on the couch in her room. He stood up when she tried to rise and came to her instantly but a second later his eyes hardened.I didn’t know you were that weak. Girls like you have no right to complain for what has happened with them. If you are that puny then you deserve to be crushed, nobody would spare you.His words were brutal. She fisted the sheet in her hand but then realized what he was doing. She smiled. He was so damn desperate.

His one distressed look had made her heart bleed. Today, she was happy to see him miserable. Her eyes were heavy and head swam. Last thing she wanted was him to make her ache bigger so she blocked him out n closed her eyes. Her eyes again opened in her room. She didn’t know how she was travelling places but physically she felt a little better than the last time she had woken up. However she didn’t want to get out of bed. It would be better if sleep simply consumed her again. Sleeping away in oblivion was far easier than facing the reality. Turning her head she looked at the watch n saw Maan sleeping in a chair beside her. She just stared at him blankly. Like he felt her gaze on him his eyes opened n he shifted. You are awake.Geet averted her gaze to stare at the ceiling.

Maan didn’t like the dead look she had. She hadn’t expressed anything apart from that one line and those few tears. He could sacrifice absolutely anything to bring out what was inside her. Are you fine? Do you want anything?

She removed the duvet from over her and stood up, that’s when she caught her sight in the mirror. He had changed her clothes. He had touched her. She had clearly asked him not to touch her. Her eyes were ablaze when she again looked at him. *Aapne mere kapde badle?*

Haan.

*Why?*

His heart clenched. I had no other option.

*I’d told you not to touch me.*

And I said I had no other option. You were freezing when I found you.

*Par maine kha tha ke mujhe mat chuna. Kaha tha ke nai?* Maan looked at her crazed expressions.

If I hadn’t-

*Toh marr jati mai. Already you have killed everything in me. Couldn’t you let me die on my own? Why did you do it? What had I done to you? Answer me… Why did you lie to me for so many days, years? Kyu kia aisa?* She finally was crying to him and she didn’t bother wiping the tears, it was useless. Once started they wouldn’t stop. *Itne saalo tak pagalo ki tarah andha vishwas kia.* She hit her head repeatedly when Maan tried to stop her she stepped back showing him her hand. *Don’t… To get rid of your guilt you ruined me and I thought… I thought… How stupid I was… I tried to win you over and you kept rejecting. It must be so fun right? Seeing me like that, did it give you pleasure? When I tried to seduce you, it was fun for you haina? When I came to your room all those times you must be so happy wondering how foolish I was, coming to her rapist… breathing in a bubble. Did it satisfy your guilt, made you happy? Because if you think that it gave me anything other than lifelong pain then you are wrong. It would have been better that you had left me in a brothel and-*

Enough. He screamed n her hands stilled. If I had told you about myself you would still be married to me. Would that change? Would you take my help then? What you would have done huh? Where would you go, how would start a new life? Or would you go back to Hoshiyaar for another millennium of beating and suffering? I know I did wrong, hiding everything from you but I don’t regret it. I couldn’t have taken the chance of you anywhere which unsafe even in the smallest bit, I wanted you protected n before my eyes not because of the guilt but because-

His hands fisted at his sides. Pleasure…? Enjoyment…? Do you think that’s what I felt? You would never understand what I went through and I don’t propose you to either. I have never had any expectations from you. I dreamed but I knew I could never have you, that’s the only reason I rejected you always… I ran. It wasn’t easy. I craved for you but I couldn’t betray you. I have wanted you every single day, every night but never did I expect anything sexual from you. I hate myself and I want you to hate me. You can do it the rest of your life. Although incomplete at least I’ll be content that you are somewhere living a better life, believe me you will move on. Find someone… He gulped and his voice lowered… Don’t think it’s the end because it’s not. Your whole life’s ahead of you.

She laughed then cried. Whole life… gosh she had a whole life full of misery ahead of her. A life she had weaved around him. You raped me for your sister, hid the truth for me. You are such a great person but what should I do? I am not that great. I can’t move on. I can’t understand you and the same way you can never understand me. You’ll never know. Go away. I don’t want to see your face.

Geet holed up in her room for two days, and then went back to college. She got a cheap mobile and started to search for a condo. She tried to be normal because she didn’t want to explain anything to anyone. Still, no amount faking would deceive her friends; it wasn’t hard to know she was devastated. When anyone attempted to know she just shrugged it off as petty family issue and refused to reveal anything.

A week passed and Dadimaa was shifted back to KM not fully recovered yet. Geet went to meet her a few times-both were careful to not touch open wounds-and made small talks. But actually like everything else there was nothing left of their relationship.

I told you to get that land anyhow? Was it so hard to do? His shouts again filled the outhouse. Geet tried to concentrate on the model she was making but couldn’t even if he wasn’t shouting she wouldn’t have accomplished anything. Her mind always was distracted wandering over to things n the effect was clearly seen on her grades.

Although they were living under the same roof, Maan and Geet never saw each other. He had shifted his room downstairs from where it was before beside hers. He wanted to make her stay as easy as possible for whatever little time she was there. His days were long and he was always frustrated, his temper an active volcano about to explode anytime. His staff had started to fear him because of his high volatility and he had made even Dia cry once. Nights were much better, he beat the shit out himself in the gym until his body gave up and slept off out of exhaustion.

He screamed his lungs out on the phone then threw it away. Maan couldn’t believe his staff of so inefficient. They were all useless. He marched upstairs to go to the gym. His legs halted outside her door. He so much yearned to take a look, he hadn’t seen her in days, but didn’t have the strength to push the door open. It was like a practice for the times when actually she wouldn’t be there behind the door for him to push it n take a look.

PRECAP- 

Geet's relatives from Hoshiyarpur in KM...

M sooo sorry for delay *ducking my head behind the chair*. I m insanely late, don’t want to give any excuses really. Things weren’t just falling in place. I will apologize. Hope the part was good enough.

Coming to the comments, I can’t you how happy you guys made me specially with the elaborate comments that I got, can’t mention all the names because there were so many. I understand all your view points and would like to tell it’s just a story. I don’t support rape in any circumstances and no criminal in reality regrets like Maan either. It’s fiction so take it like that. Thanks a ton for your awesome blossom comments and thank u for all the praises. Like I say always you guys are amazing. Muaah.

Happy Rakshabandhan in advance. Go rob your brothers.

Just a comment to make me happy

Waiting eagerly